"He leadeth them by the neck with a flaxen cord, until he bindeth them with his strong cords forever."
I had read this verse many times before, but I had never asked myself exactly what a flaxen cord was. So, I did some further research. Flax is a plant and refers to its fibers which are thin, soft, and flexible. Single strands of the fibers by themselves are very weak and easily broken. However, when many flaxen cords are bound together they become very strong and virtually unbreakable.
What does this have to do with habits? Everything. A habit, whether good or bad, starts with a single action, or cord. Bad habits are very easy to develop and can become a big part of our lives without us even noticing what is happening. Many times we allow ourselves to ease into these bad habits. A single bad habit may be easy to break, like a single flaxen cord. But many grouped together become intensely restrictive and difficult to break free of, like a strong cord.
"The chains of habit are too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken." -Samuel Johnson
Good habits take much more effort to develop than bad habits. In February 1972, Elder Carlos E. Asay gave a fireside at BYU titled Flaxen Threads in which he shared 6 steps to cultivating desirable habits.
1. Define the desired habit
Elder Asay counsels us to identify it, verbalize it, and write it down. When I think of a good habit that I want to develop, I've always been pretty good about identifying it and having it written down in a place where I will see it often. However, I cannot ever remember actually saying out loud to myself what the goal is. Elder Asay says, "Chances of successfully acquiring the new habit depend much upon how clearly you plant it in your mind and in your heart." I feel like this step of verbalizing the goal helps to do exactly that: plant it firmly in the heart and mind.
2. Bind yourself to act
One of the best ways to bind youself to action is to include another party in the process of monitoring progress. This can be a friend, family member, church leader, or God Himself. There is counsel that Alma gives to his son Helaman that comes to mind.
"Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.
Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day." (Alma 37:36-37, emphasis added)
With the development of some good habits, or even the discarding of bad habits, at times it cannot be done alone. Whether it is the lack of willpower or discipline or motivation, the end result too often is the same: the desired goal is not achieved and eventually discarded or forgotten. But if one cries unto God for support and counsels with the Lord for help, then divine assistance will be received; and that which cannot be done alone will come to pass.
3. Put the new mode of conduct into operation
This is where the actual "acting out" of the potential habit occurs. Just thinking about it isn't enough. Although the first few actions may be hard, it will get easier as more repetitions are accomplished. Elder Asay quoted Emerson in his fireside:
"That which we try to do, and persist in doing, becomes easy to do, not because its nature is changed, but because our power to do is developed."
4. Bolster your will or desire
This is where the mental aspect comes in to play. It is nearly impossible to develop a good habit, or break a bad one for that matter, while pondering on the enticements of the opposite side. If you want to start exercising regularly in order to lose weight and get into shape, the last thing you want to do is think about how delicious an In-N-Out Double Double with a side of Animal Style french fries sounds. Instead, you've got to focus on the health benefits and extra confidence you will gain from this new habit of exercising and eating right. Focus on the pros of developing this new habit.
5. Do not look back or permit exceptions to occur
Absolutely no exceptions! No excuses! No more saying "Just one last time!" You have already made the conscious decision to make this new good habit a part of your life, or to abandon a bad habit. Don't take 1 step forward and then 2 steps back. Do not look and and do not deviate from the intended path. Every slip up, every missed work out, every day skipped reading the scriptures, makes it that much harder to get back on the path to your new habit.
6. Plunge wholeheartedly into the new product of conduct
Perhaps the most important step in developing new habits is to understand that it takes time. It is easy to make a long list of things to change and improve and thus become overwhelmed. Elder Asay says that "one resolve made and kept is better than a dozen made and abandoned." Start with one habit. Once you have conquered that habit, move on to the next one. Stay motivated!
Good habits are so difficult to develop; bad habits are so difficult to break. But utilizing these 6 steps is a great place to start. So let's apply this counsel and become our best selves.
